Child 44 - Страница 73

The narrow stairway led down to a basement illuminated by a dim light. The cat descended the stairs and turned out of sight. From the top step most of the room was concealed. All Leo could see was the edge of another bed. It was empty. Was it possible Andrei wasn’t home? Leo moved down the stairs, trying not to make any noise.

Reaching the bottom he peered around the corner. A man was seated at a table. He wore thick square glasses, a clean white shirt. He was playing cards. He looked up. Andrei didn’t seem surprised. He stood up. From where Leo was standing he could see on the wall behind his brother, as though flowering out of his brother’s head, a collage of newspaper clippings taped up, the same photo over and over again, the photo of him — Leo, standing, triumphant, beside the smoking wreck of a panzer, the hero of the Soviet Union, the poster boy of triumph.

— Pavel, what took you so long?

His little brother gestured at the empty seat opposite him.

Leo felt powerless to do anything except obey, aware that he was no longer in control of the situation. Far from being alarmed or caught off guard, far from stumbling over his words or even running away, Andrei seemed prepared for this confrontation. In contrast Leo was disorientated, confused: it was hard not to follow his brother’s instructions.

Leo sat down. Andrei sat down. Brother opposite brother: reunited after more than twenty years. Andrei asked.

— You knew it would be me from the beginning?

— The beginning?

— From the first body you found?

— No.

— What body did you find first?

— Larisa Petrova, Voualsk.

— A young girl, I remember her.

— And Arkady, Moscow?

— There were several in Moscow.

Several, he used the word so casually. If there were several, then they’d all been covered up.

— Arkady was murdered in February this year, on the railway tracks.

— A small boy?

— He was four years old.

— I remember him too. They were recent. I had perfected my method by then. Yet you still didn’t know it was me? The earlier murders weren’t as clear. I was nervous. You see, I couldn’t be too obvious. It needed to be something only you would recognize. I couldn’t just have written my name. I was communicating with you, and only you.

— What are you talking about?

— Brother, I never believed you were dead. I always knew you were alive. And I have only ever had one desire, one ambition…to get you back.

Was that anger in Andrei’s voice or affection or both emotions together? Had his only ambition been to get him back or get back at him? Andrei smiled, it was a warm smile — wide and honest — like he’d just won at cards.

— Your stupid, clumsy brother was right about one thing. He was right about you. I tried telling Mother that you were alive. But she wouldn’t pay any attention to me. She was sure someone had caught you, killed you. I told her that wasn’t true, I told her you’d run away, with our catch. I promised to find you and when I did I wouldn’t be angry, I’d forgive you. She wouldn’t listen. She went mad. She would forget who I was and pretend that I was you. She’d call me Pavel and ask me to help her, as you used to help her. I would pretend to be you, since that was easier, since that made her happy, but as soon as I made a mistake she’d realize I wasn’t you. She’d become furious, she’d hit me and hit me until all her anger was gone. And then she’d mourn for you again. She never stopped crying over you. Everyone has a reason to live. You were hers. But you were mine too. The only difference between us was that I was sure you were alive.

Leo listened, like a child seated in front of an adult in rapt silence as the world was explained. He could no more lift his hands, stand up — do anything — than he could interrupt. Andrei continued:

— Whilst our mother let herself fall to pieces, I looked after myself. Luckily for me the winter was coming to an end and things slowly got a little better. Only ten people survived from our village, eleven including you. Other villages were completely dead. When the spring came and the snows thawed they stank, entire villages were rotting and diseased. You couldn’t go near them. But in the winter they were quiet, peaceful, perfectly still. And all through that time I went hunting through the forest, every night, on my own. I followed tracks. I searched for you and called your name, shouted it out to the trees. But you did not return.

As though his brain was slowly digesting the words, breaking them down, Leo asked — his voice hesitant:

— You killed those children because you thought I’d left you?

— I killed them so you would find me. I killed them to make you come home. I killed them as a way of talking to you. Who else would’ve understood the clues from our childhood? I knew you’d follow them to me, just as you’d followed the footprints in the snow. You’re a hunter, Pavel, the best hunter in the world. I didn’t know whether you were militia or not. When I saw that photo of you, I spoke to the staff of Pravda. I asked for your name. I explained that we’d been separated and that I thought your name was Pavel. They said Pavel wasn’t your name and that your details were classified. I begged them to tell me which division you were fighting in. They refused to even answer that. I was a soldier too. Not like you, not a hero, not the elite. But I understood enough to realize you must have been in a special force. I knew from the secrecy regarding your name that there was a strong chance you’d either be in the military or the State Security or the government. I knew you’d be an important person, you couldn’t be anything else. You’d have access to the information regarding these murders. Of course, that didn’t necessarily matter. If I killed enough children, in enough places, I was sure you’d come across my work, whatever your occupation. I was sure you’d realize it was me.

Leo leaned forward. His brother seemed so gentle, his reasoning was so careful. Leo asked:

— Brother, what happened to you?

— You mean after the village? The same thing that happened to everyone: I was conscripted into the army. I lost my glasses in battle, stumbled into German hands. I was caught. I surrendered. When I returned to Russia, having been a prisoner of war, I was arrested, interviewed, beaten. They threatened to send me to prison. I told them, how could I be a traitor when I could hardly see? For six months I had no glasses. The world beyond my own nose was a blur. And every child I saw was you. I should’ve been executed. But the guards used to laugh at me bumping into things. I used to fall over all the time, just as I did as a child. I survived. I was too stupid and clumsy to be a German spy. They called me names, beat me and let me go. I returned here. Even here I was hated and called a traitor. But none of that bothered me. I had you. I concentrated my life on a single task — bringing you back to me.

— So you started murdering?

— I started in this area first. But after six months I had to consider the fact that you might be anywhere in the country. That’s why I got a job as a tolkach, so that I could travel. I needed to leave the signs spread across the whole of our country, signs for you to follow.

— Signs? These were children.

— First I killed animals, catching them as we caught that cat. But it didn’t work. No one paid any attention. No one cared. No one noticed. One day a child stumbled across me in the forest. He asked what I was doing. I explained I was leaving bait. The boy was the same age as you were when you left me. And I realized that child would make a far better bait. People would notice a dead child. You would understand the significance. Why do you think I killed so many children in the winter months? So you’d follow my tracks through the snow. Didn’t you follow my boot prints deep into the forests, just like you followed the cat?

Leo had been listening to his brother’s soft voice as if it was a foreign tongue he could barely understand.

— Andrei, you have a family. I saw your children upstairs, children just like the children you’ve killed. You have two beautiful girls. Can you not understand that what you’ve done is wrong?

— It was necessary.

— No.

Andrei banged the table with his fists, furious.

— Don’t take that tone with me! You have no right to be angry! You never bothered to look for me! You never came back! You knew I was alive and you didn’t care! Forget about stupid clumsy Andrei! He’s nothing to you! You left me behind with a crazy fucking mother and a village full of rotting bodies! You have no right to judge me!

Leo stared at his brother’s face, twisted with anger, suddenly transformed. Was this the face the children saw? What had his brother been through? What impossible horrors? But the time for pity and understanding had long since been passed. Andrei wiped the sweat from his brow.

— It was the only way I could make you find me, the only way I could get your attention. You could’ve looked for me. But you didn’t. You cut me out of your life. You put me out of your mind. The happiest moment of my life was when we caught that cat, together, as a team. When we were together I never felt the world was unfair, even when we had no food, even when it was bitterly cold. But then you went away.